Or Maybe They're Filled With Twinkies: With Courtney Love's constant change of body weight, girlfriend can't be blamed for touting approximately four million pieces of luggage. Who knows when you're going to need an emergency pair of stretchy pants?

Choice B is a Colonic: Have problem with, er, regularity? Cram some more fiber down your gullet.

Instant Organization: We've been trying to organize our life before the holidays make us bonkers, so this awesome site that allows you to compile your healthy online recipes into one very slick cookbook is très handy.

Shoe, Have You Met Other Foot? In politics, some pundits feel that it's now okay for men to cry, but women can't. If you're not pissed off about that, we'd like to remind you that those fuckers don't even get menstrual cramps.

Speaking of Der Hosen: Apparently Heidi Klum did marry Seal for his looks. In a pair of spandex pants, that is. The Germans don't really mince words, do they?

Breast Intentions: Looking for something to hand out to the kiddies this Halloween?

There's More to Love: Getting married makes you fat. Is that why Angelina doesn't want to marry Brad?

Do It For the Children: Miss England has been given an ultimatum: fatten up or you're going to be out on your bony ass. So she's responding by binge eating. Wow, there are so many things wrong with that whole scenario that we don't even know to begin, so the comments would like to hear your version of the joke that should go here:" _______________________________"